It has been a long time since I posted my last blog and trust me, this one was looong overdue!

You all know this phenominal "toy"

The Grossman Alien Egg, for those of you who don't remember, allow me to give you a reminder:

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Yes, that fucking disgraceful thing. I'm sure by now you must remember it. A toy that plagued our childhood playgrounds, if you didn't have one, you weren't cool and you should stop trying. Infact if you didn't have one, it was almost like you were afflicted with some highly fatal and contageous desease (like with most playground fads).

So anyway, you come into school one day and it seems like a fairly normal day, until playtime. Then you notice an abnormally large group huddled around maybe one or two people, so being curious you plod onward to investigate to what potentially could be some very interesting viewing, or even better two kids battling it out WWF style (yes I still call it WWF, that's what it was called back then and it shall forever be known as that to me). So you get to the crowd, only to be confronted with a a half grey half seethrough egg shaped object filled with some sort of colourful putty and a strange thing encased in it. Is it some sort of new sweet? Is it that green goop you plant tree seeds in? Or is it some anal lube the kid accidently picked up in his mum and dads bedroom?

Nope, it is even better than that! According to the kid in possession of the fuckin' thing, it is its own little organism (made of strange polycarbonates but as a kid we can easily look past all that rubbish because at that time we wouldn't know what the fuck it was). So upon discovering that this thing is "alive" you start to think, well what the hell does it do then? It is just curled up doing fuck all! Then one kid says "THEY HAVE BABIES! THEY COME OUT OF ITS HEAD, I'VE SEEN MY MATES HAVE TWINS BEFORE!!!" Then the kid who has it starts to say how you look after it and how the gelly stuff round it is its food. Pretty amazing stuff for a kid.

Then eventually you get your turn to hold/touch it, then you make the fatal mistake of touching the 'aliens' head, the kid who owns it goes fuckin' apeshit at you. Ranting and raving about how you will kill it or its precious precious babies.

So, the school day ends and you are absolutely over the moon at this amazing find, tell your mum all about it and how you want one aswell, so you go to your local pound shop/post office to get one. I mean who wouldn't want one, it was like a tamagotchi you didn't have to look after 24 hours a day constantly cleaning the shit up after it and after spending hours a day to get it to like, you have to give it medicine so all your painstakingly hard work is ruined.

You get home! Take the wrapping off and get your alien out of its egg and begin to search for some sort of hole or opening this "baby" comes out of with no prevail. So the next day, almost everyone has one and now all of a sudden everyone knows everything about this creature. Whilst you stand there in the dark with this thing in your hand not knowing what the fuck to do with it...

All sorts of shit starts to circulate, how you have to rub their heads together for a baby, people who could miraculously tell the gender of these things, how to put them back in the egg properly, all sorts of shit like that. And there would always be 1-2 kids who had fucking seen this phenomina, the aliens giving birth, the horrid thing was, the numbers of kids who had seen this grew as time went on. And you didn't want to cut its head open just incase you killed it and the inevitable fear of dissapointment. There would also be atleast one kid with pockets full of those bloody alien fucking eggs, like some sort of breeder.

So after going through 10 quid of hard earned pocket money because the gelly had dried up in the egg which apparantly meant the alien was dead. I eventually gave up hope of seeing one those fucking things do anything remotely interesting.

Congratulations Grossman, you succeeded in making one hell of alotta money, by selling these fucking useless things and speculating how they had babies doing kids out of their money, congratu-fuckin'-lations. You're all going to hell...